Marriage: Yea or Nay?
"You will get remarried, I am sure of it!" This was told to me as I sat on the back porch of my best friend's house a few days after explaining that I was going to get divorced. We were discussing how lonely I am and all the things that go with it. My divorce is another subject that I may write about but below is my latest musing.
I have recently been struggling with what God has in mind for my life as far as having a life partner is concerned. It seems that when I get to know someone and start to wonder if they could be someone worth investing my time in, God rips the carpet out from under me. I am not sure if God has a sense of humor and enjoys tormenting me or maybe I am not quite as in tune with God as much as I should be. I am leaning towards me not being as in tune with God as much as I should.
I would justify the fact that I should get remarried by two things. The first being that I was the victim of infedility and therefore why should I be punished the rest of my life. The other more glaring reason was because Paul said it was better to be married if you are tempted. I was sure that I should search out my next wife and live happily ever after. So far no such luck and I think there is a reason for that.
Paul was talking to the Chorinithians when he said it was better to get married. However, he didn't just write them one sentence. He wrote them a pretty long paragraph. I, being just a man, focused on the whole "it is better to get married" part. However, there is some context to consider and also the whole beginning of his sentence that I wanted to ignore. Paul says (loosely quoted), "It is best to NOT get married, but if you are tempted you should." Recently this has weighed on me a bit.
Why was Paul saying it is best to not be married? Well, to put it simply, married life is very time consuming. One must spend lots of time with their partner and children that eventually come along. When one has a family it is a lot harder to drop everything and do something that you feel God has led you to do. What about the kids? I need to let my spouse know that we are selling the house and moving across the country because God is leading me to be a missionary. I want to quit my job and start working on seminary school. All of those things are HUGE tasks to undertake when you are married. Are they impossible? Absolutely not, especially if it's God's will. However, Paul is saying that without married life you are not bound to your family obligations and can serve God better this way. At least that's what I think he means.
How does this hit home for me? I felt that I was stuck, I had no ministry that I could take part of. I am so totally wrong. I was gently told one day at a lunch with a fellow Christian that my children ARE my ministry. For whatever reason this blew my mind and I thank her for telling me what was so plainly in my face. So, that got me thinking. Do I really have time to have a girlfriend/fiancé/wife? Should I devote my time to making my children my ministry? The answer is clear.
What do I do with this new found clarity? I trust God. I trust God to one day bless me with an absolutely amazing wife that will help my ministry of my children and I help them with whatever way they are serving God. Or I don't. I need to be ok with the fact that remarriage may never happen. While I am still hopeful that my friend is right and I'll get remarried, I am slowly submitting to the idea that I may not.
All my Biblical references would be in I Chorinthians 7. There is A LOT of context in the whole chapter but the verse I use to quote Paul is I Chorinthians 7:8 - 9. Check it out for yourself and pray about it.
I have recently been struggling with what God has in mind for my life as far as having a life partner is concerned. It seems that when I get to know someone and start to wonder if they could be someone worth investing my time in, God rips the carpet out from under me. I am not sure if God has a sense of humor and enjoys tormenting me or maybe I am not quite as in tune with God as much as I should be. I am leaning towards me not being as in tune with God as much as I should.
I would justify the fact that I should get remarried by two things. The first being that I was the victim of infedility and therefore why should I be punished the rest of my life. The other more glaring reason was because Paul said it was better to be married if you are tempted. I was sure that I should search out my next wife and live happily ever after. So far no such luck and I think there is a reason for that.
Paul was talking to the Chorinithians when he said it was better to get married. However, he didn't just write them one sentence. He wrote them a pretty long paragraph. I, being just a man, focused on the whole "it is better to get married" part. However, there is some context to consider and also the whole beginning of his sentence that I wanted to ignore. Paul says (loosely quoted), "It is best to NOT get married, but if you are tempted you should." Recently this has weighed on me a bit.
Why was Paul saying it is best to not be married? Well, to put it simply, married life is very time consuming. One must spend lots of time with their partner and children that eventually come along. When one has a family it is a lot harder to drop everything and do something that you feel God has led you to do. What about the kids? I need to let my spouse know that we are selling the house and moving across the country because God is leading me to be a missionary. I want to quit my job and start working on seminary school. All of those things are HUGE tasks to undertake when you are married. Are they impossible? Absolutely not, especially if it's God's will. However, Paul is saying that without married life you are not bound to your family obligations and can serve God better this way. At least that's what I think he means.
How does this hit home for me? I felt that I was stuck, I had no ministry that I could take part of. I am so totally wrong. I was gently told one day at a lunch with a fellow Christian that my children ARE my ministry. For whatever reason this blew my mind and I thank her for telling me what was so plainly in my face. So, that got me thinking. Do I really have time to have a girlfriend/fiancé/wife? Should I devote my time to making my children my ministry? The answer is clear.
What do I do with this new found clarity? I trust God. I trust God to one day bless me with an absolutely amazing wife that will help my ministry of my children and I help them with whatever way they are serving God. Or I don't. I need to be ok with the fact that remarriage may never happen. While I am still hopeful that my friend is right and I'll get remarried, I am slowly submitting to the idea that I may not.
All my Biblical references would be in I Chorinthians 7. There is A LOT of context in the whole chapter but the verse I use to quote Paul is I Chorinthians 7:8 - 9. Check it out for yourself and pray about it.
This beautifully written, and will help others. People think of this in terms of absolutes, but life is very complicated, and nothing is more complicated than marriage and children.
ReplyDeleteA bad marriage would make things much worse, a good marriage would make things better. Children benefit from having 2 parents, and yet are very resilient.
In all your ways, follow Him, and he will grant you the desire of your heart. But follow Him day by day. Who knows what He plans for you, or your kids.
There is no prescribed formula, except daily prayerful obedience.
Always two sides to a story. I'm sure each party has reasons, and sometimes if there's blame pushed just on one, that will do nothing but assure you that you're not yet ready to try again. In divorce we should all learn things about ourselves. Infidelity doesn't just happen out of the blue. Sometimes the other person feels some sort of way, and it happens during their moments of desperation.
ReplyDeleteWe can all work on ourselves. I suggest you take time to see where you can improve yourself. That's how I got through my divorce, and how I ended up in the best relationship I've ever been in. I had to admit I was cheated on due to some of my own actions. Or lack thereof. Not that its an excuse. Just that you have to understand that loneliness shows itself in many forms and if we are in a relationship and somebody is lonely enough to do such drastic things we must have some fault in it. It was hard for me. I'm better now for seeing it this way though.
Good luck.